DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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