my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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