Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
