If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
