She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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