it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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