I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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