I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize