I think im going to throw up on grandma
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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