i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
