Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
