Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
