I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
