ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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