im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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