white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
