I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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