Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
