Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
