i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
