Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
