ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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