I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize