i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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