your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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