Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
