Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
