i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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