i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
