She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
