youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
