GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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