Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
