So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
