Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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