The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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