I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
