if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
false alarm, still single
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