wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
