Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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