We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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