I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
