Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
