I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just had sex on a roof
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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