We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize