A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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