I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
