I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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