I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
not ubering you a puppy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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