im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
