I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize