Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
