They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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