honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
