ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
