I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
