dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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