So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
