I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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