My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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