Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize