Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
