I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
