i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize