Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
