Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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