9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
