i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize