I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
