A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
