So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize