i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
